Patrick Weir is a dad of a 10-year-old special needs daughter. He’s got a new podcast out about raising neurodivergent kids. I asked him…
“What's special about Parenting Pivot?”
“What's different about Parenting Pivot is, it's about the parent's point of view. It's not just like someone saying, this is what you have to do. It puts parents first.”
00:00 Parenting Pivot Podcast Launch
05:37 Powerful Lessons from Amazing Women
07:02 Putting Parents First
12:35 Seeking The Right Diagnosis
14:24 Improving Podcast Episode Content
19:30 Parenting Decision Reflections
Patrick:
“I'm doing the best as I can as a father, and everyone else is doing the best they can as a parent, and we've all had bad days and good days. You're not alone.”
“Every episode, you're going to get something out of it that is useful.”
“I'm learning very powerful lessons from these amazing women that I have interviewed. I also get the luxury not only of having an hour to talk with them, but then in the editing process, I practically memorize everything that comes out. And that gives me a really a deep understanding of… such hard-fought wisdom from each of these experts.”
Kate:
“What I love about your format is that you really do put parents first. Literally, you see and hear parents talking about their epiphanies, their challenges, their questions, their needs. And then you bring in someone to talk about either reframing those challenges or working with those challenges. So it really is putting parents, and the struggles they’re having, at the center.”
Connect With Patrick:
The Perilous Process of Producing a Parenting Podcast
Patrick:
“My process starts with the parents and their experience. Then we give the people we interview the opportunity to watch those clips. They understand where the parents are coming from, so it really informs their conversation. And for me, when I think about that first season, it is the beginning of the journey. From the first episode is about when you notice that something is different. What do I do about this? Where do I even begin?”
“As we go through each of the episodes, what do you do now you've got your neuropsych? What are we going to do about that? What does this mean? And the season ends at a point, hopefully, where parents can begin to advocate for their child.
“These are just phenomenally talented and accomplished, helpful, caring, compassionate people. I'm so lucky to be able to talk to them. I'm hoping that it helps parents.
“I can really clearly define who this show is for. I think of my past self, but I was really lucky in that we have friends who have... two young boys. Maybe you're like me, you could see some young kids and you're like, ‘Oh, I have an idea of what's going on, but I'm not going to talk about this because it's not, it's not for me to say.’ I thought about them, particularly for the first few episodes. Like, when you know something is wrong, and, because they're friends, they watched. And, uh, he came to me and said, ‘I watched this with my wife… and it really sparked some really serious conversations. And I just want to thank you. This is changing things for us.’
“So even though we're just starting out, I already have someone, in this case, I know him, right? But I already have someone come to me and say, this helped. And that's all I wanted.”
Kate:
“That is so powerful. I remember being there, and I had family members who had concerns. I also had family members who were completely invalidating the concerns that I had. I didn't know that what we needed was a neuropsychological evaluation. We went to a neurologist. Once we spoke to the neurologist, I knew this was not the place that was going to help us. We went to a developmental pediatrician, and that developmental pediatrician said, ‘Your son is complicated.’ Yeah. Great diagnosis.
“And finally, it was another parent who was like, ‘Oh, no, what you need is a neuropsychological evaluation. Here are a couple of recommendations for those.’
“I didn't have that basic information when my son was three. So I'm grateful that that's out there. And there were people who knew something was up and didn't say anything for those exact reasons that you're mentioning: ‘It's not my place. I don't want to say.’ But some of these people were professionals. So if someone had sent me an episode like that, it would have really helped me.”
Explaining and Dealing With Ambiguous Loss
Patrick:
“Dr. Randy Hirshberg was amazing too, and this one comes out next week. We talked about a feeling that I learned that summed up where I was, and it's called ambiguous loss. You planned your life. This is definitely happening. And then it doesn't. And you feel like, ah, I didn't get all the things.
“Or. I thought this was the winning lottery. And I didn't win the lottery. Well, if that happens, you've already planned the house you're going to buy, right? But when that happens, you lost the money. But you never had the money. So did you really lose anything? No. But you lost a dream, an idea, a concept.
“And that's what we as parents have to deal with, too. You had this, you know, when the baby's coming, you had this idea, you know. My child's going to be, you know, like me, but better. First of all, that's never the child you get. But in our case, it's a real serious change in expectations.
“You love the child. That's your kid. You love them so much. And they're right there in front of you, but you still have this aching pain of loss of the thing that you thought you were going to get.
“Reconciling those two feelings is really hard because you feel bad, but then you feel guilty for feeling bad. And it's just a mess.”
Kate:
“So confusing. The main thing at first is feeling so confused and really not knowing where to turn for answers. Thank you for being part of that illumination for parents like us. I really appreciate it.
“Do you have any final thing you'd like to say to parents of neurodivergent kids?”
Patrick:
“You really have to find your people, because we've been there. You don't have to say ‘I'm sorry. This thing happened. My kid did this.’ You don't have to apologize. Just say what happened. ‘Cause we've all been there. You know, we're with you. We get it. It's hard to find that group of people. If you do, hold on to them tightly. Reach out, and don't be afraid to say, I’m really having a tough time.”
Announcing Upcoming Episode With Kate Lynch
Patrick announced that by early November the episode we recorded on the importance of self-care for parents should be out.
We’ll update you, of course!
A kinder future for our kids begins with kindness toward ourselves.
