Parenting complicated kids often means navigating a maze of labels, opinions, and advice — some empowering, some confusing. Today’s live conversation with advocate and educator Ina Chung dives into what happens when a popular parenting trend causes confusion, and how real advocacy starts at home.
Why do we fear labels and diagnoses?
That question has been on my mind since long before The Cut published journalist E.J. Dickson’s article about Dr. Becky Kennedy, the psychologist and parenting influencer who coined the term Deeply Feeling Kid (DFK).
In the days following its release, my friend Ina Chung found herself at the center of that conversation.
Ina’s story was the through line of the article, and the subject of both solidarity and some online criticism. I invited her to join me live to talk about her experience, what she’s learned, and why she continues to advocate for a more honest, inclusive understanding of kids like hers.
Topics We Covered In The Live Conversation:
What “Deeply Feeling Kid” (DFK) means — and when it misses the mark
How Dr. Becky’s messaging resonates and falls short for neurodivergent families
Why accurate diagnoses are not limiting but liberating
The fear and stigma surrounding autism and other labels
How modeling advocacy empowers kids with autism and allergies to speak up
The parallels between neurodiversity and food allergies
Finding belonging in online parenting spaces like Good Inside
How parents can hold both truths — compassion and critique
From “Deeply Feeling” to Diagnosis
Ina’s story reflects a pattern many parents have shared: trying to interpret neurodivergent behavior through the lens of emotional sensitivity — and missing critical support along the way.
“During the pandemic, like many parents, I latched on to Dr. Becky’s teachings on Instagram,” Ina recalled. “It totally aligned with my personality and values. I assumed my child was a DFK. He ticked all the boxes.”
DFK, or Deeply Feeling Kid, describes children who experience emotions intensely and struggle to regulate them. The concept resonates with parents who value empathy and emotional awareness. But sometimes that framework isn’t enough.
“Somewhere along the way, my son’s behaviors became much more challenging. He was having hours-long panic attacks. It was really painful for all of us, especially for him. That led us to get him evaluated. When he was diagnosed as autistic, it completely opened my mind to what was really happening.”
The diagnosis didn’t change who her son was, but it changed how she understood him. “I finally had a roadmap,” she said. “I started hearing from a lot of parents who had clung to the DFK label like I had. They wished someone had mentioned neurodivergence earlier.”
When “Palatable” Labels Delay Support
“DFK is not a clinical diagnosis,” Ina explained. “It’s more like a personality type. Dr. Becky is very forthcoming about that, but when we hear a label that’s so palatable, we stop asking questions.”
Ina and I both hear from parents all the time who say: “We tried the DFK strategies. We stayed consistent. But nothing was helping.” Many of those families later discovered their children have autism or ADHD.
The missing piece wasn’t consistency, it was support.
“Parents would tell me, ‘If I had known when my child was three instead of seven, we could have gotten so many more supports in place.’ That breaks my heart.”
The DFK framework has helped countless parents feel more compassionate. But compassion alone doesn’t replace professional guidance. When well-meaning influencers dismiss “labels,” it can unintentionally reinforce the ableism many of us are still trying to unlearn.
Truth Over Comfort, Even When It Hurts
If children are struggling, honesty and curiosity matter more than comfort.
The irony is that Dr. Becky often encourages parents to “tell the truth.” And she’s right, kids can sense when something’s off, and it doesn’t help to say “everything’s fine.”
That same principle applies to parenting advice itself.
“No one is above reproach,” Ina said about questioning Dr. Becky. “We can appreciate her work and be critical. We can hold both truths.”
When The Cut published its story, it struck a nerve. Fans rushed to defend Dr. Becky.
“A lot of people said, ‘Don’t come after Dr. Becky. She’s a saint.’ But it’s not about attacking her,” Ina emphasized. “It’s about asking hard questions.”
The internet backlash was hard on Ina.
“They used my name in the caption, but didn’t link to my page, which I was actually thankful for. The comments were brutal. People said I was negligent, or that I relied on an influencer to diagnose my child.”
How “Labels” Help Rather Than Limit
I’ve written before about this tension: the good that comes from Dr. Becky’s work, and the harm that can arise from her “I’m not a fan of labels” stance. Like Ina, I’ve seen parents in the Good Inside community working so hard, yet blaming themselves for things that can’t be parented away.
A label isn’t a limitation. It’s language. It can open doors to therapy, accommodations, self-understanding, and community.
“When we got my son’s diagnosis,” Ina said, “I finally understood him. It didn’t make him less; it made our love more effective.”
Modeling Advocacy, One Conversation at a Time
Ina’s advocacy doesn’t stop with her son’s autism diagnosis. As The Asian Allergy Mom, she shares her family’s experience raising two kids, each with different challenges — her son’s autism and her daughter’s food allergies — and the lessons that overlap.
“From the beginning, I wanted my kids to know how to speak up,” she said. “So when I advocate for them, whether it’s emailing a teacher or talking to a restaurant about allergens, they’re right there, listening. I narrate what I’m doing. I want them to see that they can ask for what they need.”
That modeling has worked.
“Recently my 10-year-old son said, ‘I’m kind of glad I’m autistic,’” she shared. “He listed all his strengths: his amazing memory, how quickly he picks up math, and said, ‘I think it would be really hard if I didn’t have that.’ Just six months earlier, he was begging me to take his autism away. Now he’s proud of it.”
That’s the power of being seen. Not just “deeply feeling,” but deeply known.
Finding Belonging and Courage
We ended our conversation where it began: in community. We both agree with so much of Dr. Becky’s advice, including her empathetic, honest stance on big feelings:
“What’s hardest about a difficult feeling isn’t the feeling itself, but being alone in it.”
That’s true for parents as much as kids. When we find others who understand — whether in neurodivergent parenting communities, food allergy circles, or anywhere we can exhale — we simply feel less alone.
“There are a lot of us out here who feel like this world wasn’t built for our kids, But when we share stories, we feel less alone. That’s everything.”
I couldn’t agree more.
An Opportunity For Repair
My hope is that Dr. Becky will shift her messaging around labels and diagnoses toward one that’s more inclusive of autism and other neurodivergence. With her platform and influence, she could help lead a cultural shift toward truly inclusive parenting.
By acknowledging that her statement — “I’m not a fan of labels” — may have been misguided, and by evolving that message, Dr. Becky could make parenting culture more compassionate and informed.
She now has the opportunity to listen to and repair with the parents of neurodivergent kids who feel misunderstood, let down, or led astray by her words.
Dr. Becky has done so much to de-shame parenting and normalize emotional connection. And yet, her stance on labels could evolve to reflect what so many families like Ina’s (and mine) have learned: that an accurate diagnosis isn’t limiting; it’s liberating.
That kind of shift would make a real difference for children who need support beyond even the most mindful parenting strategies. It would empower parents raising kids with autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent traits to seek help without shame…
…and to see their kids as whole, not broken.
Ultimately, a more inclusive world benefits everyone.
Connect with Ina:
Follow The Asian Allergy Mom on Instagram for compassionate, empowering advocacy around food allergies, neurodiversity, and inclusive parenting.
Related Posts:
This conversation is part of an ongoing dialogue inspired by The Cut’s article, “Do ‘Deeply Feeling Kids’ Really Exist?” by journalist E.J. Dickson, and by the growing movement of parents seeking inclusivity and empathy in modern parenting.
A kinder future for our kids begins with kindness toward ourselves.
