I think about this a lot. I used to volunteer in a kindergarten / 1st grade classroom in a teeny progressive “open classroom “ model school back in the mid 1990’s. Their model was to talk very openly about community responsibility to each other, building empathy for neuro differences and talking out struggles with differences. A kid w ADHD or one whose temper was more explosive or a kid w autism or a kid who was 7 but looked like a 5 year old- these differences were all talked about very openly with the whole classroom community working together to support what each kids individual needs were. It wasn’t perfect but the onus was on the whole community to make space for differences rather than asking different kids to shape themselves to fit in. The struggle with this in most current public school classrooms is the issue of privacy. We can’t speak openly about differences because people often mask to avoid (likely realistic) expectations of discrimination. And this parallels our society’s long held pattern of segregation for any psychological or neurological differences. And the more we segregate, the more people in the “mainstream” are startled by and confused by and disdainful of differences. It’s a genuine conundrum and I wish I knew what to do to make it better.
“The true lesson of training social skills teaches our students that unless they successfully mask their autistic traits, they are inherently less valuable members of the human race. Social skills training communicates conditional acceptance based on the conditions that non-autistic people determine” (Roberts, 2020).
"On their own, each group seems to socialize just fine. However, the onus is always on the neurodivergent group to learn the dominant paradigm rather than communication being a two-way street."
I love reading about all you have done to help bring Ocean to the place he is. It's so inspiring. And as you know, I love who he is! I have always been so grateful for all your work, your research, your active loving. Without it he would have been very different, and much sadder. I'm so glad you're sharing your experiences and discoveries. Helping parents get over their fears and find the right resources and support systems to be able to help their children thrive is a great path. Thank you.
Thank you Kate for sharing your experiences. Last summer we had an interesting experience. My Autistic child has some friends at school but has openly expressed how difficult it is to engage with kids he doesn't know at playgrounds. He has observed how his younger brother can pick up a game pretty easily with a child he doesn't know and often his younger brother is a facilitator for him when we are at a park. One day when his younger brother was at camp, we were at a playground and my son was feeling bored on the sidelines. Another boy approached him and they started to play pretty quickly after some discussion of Pokemon. This is an assumption but from observation the other boy was also likely on the spectrum as well. It really highlighted the "double empathy" problem and how quickly the two of them connected in a way we had never seen. He still talks about that boy and now associates that playground with him. We are still working on get him more connected with other neurodivergent kids, it hasn't been easy but it feels key to finding authentic friendships.
I think about this a lot. I used to volunteer in a kindergarten / 1st grade classroom in a teeny progressive “open classroom “ model school back in the mid 1990’s. Their model was to talk very openly about community responsibility to each other, building empathy for neuro differences and talking out struggles with differences. A kid w ADHD or one whose temper was more explosive or a kid w autism or a kid who was 7 but looked like a 5 year old- these differences were all talked about very openly with the whole classroom community working together to support what each kids individual needs were. It wasn’t perfect but the onus was on the whole community to make space for differences rather than asking different kids to shape themselves to fit in. The struggle with this in most current public school classrooms is the issue of privacy. We can’t speak openly about differences because people often mask to avoid (likely realistic) expectations of discrimination. And this parallels our society’s long held pattern of segregation for any psychological or neurological differences. And the more we segregate, the more people in the “mainstream” are startled by and confused by and disdainful of differences. It’s a genuine conundrum and I wish I knew what to do to make it better.
Here's an important perspective on social skills groups for autistic kids:
Should Autistic Children Be 'Trained' to Socialize? The controversy around social skills programs.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psychology-meets-neurodiversity/202308/should-autistic-children-be-trained-to-socialize
“The true lesson of training social skills teaches our students that unless they successfully mask their autistic traits, they are inherently less valuable members of the human race. Social skills training communicates conditional acceptance based on the conditions that non-autistic people determine” (Roberts, 2020).
"On their own, each group seems to socialize just fine. However, the onus is always on the neurodivergent group to learn the dominant paradigm rather than communication being a two-way street."
I love reading about all you have done to help bring Ocean to the place he is. It's so inspiring. And as you know, I love who he is! I have always been so grateful for all your work, your research, your active loving. Without it he would have been very different, and much sadder. I'm so glad you're sharing your experiences and discoveries. Helping parents get over their fears and find the right resources and support systems to be able to help their children thrive is a great path. Thank you.
Thank you Kate for sharing your experiences. Last summer we had an interesting experience. My Autistic child has some friends at school but has openly expressed how difficult it is to engage with kids he doesn't know at playgrounds. He has observed how his younger brother can pick up a game pretty easily with a child he doesn't know and often his younger brother is a facilitator for him when we are at a park. One day when his younger brother was at camp, we were at a playground and my son was feeling bored on the sidelines. Another boy approached him and they started to play pretty quickly after some discussion of Pokemon. This is an assumption but from observation the other boy was also likely on the spectrum as well. It really highlighted the "double empathy" problem and how quickly the two of them connected in a way we had never seen. He still talks about that boy and now associates that playground with him. We are still working on get him more connected with other neurodivergent kids, it hasn't been easy but it feels key to finding authentic friendships.