The Truth About Friendship and Autistic Kids

My son had to be taught friendship skills explicitly, but now he has a few true friends.

Watching my son as a preschooler at the playground across from our house was stressful. It was one of the first clues I had that he might have developmental delays beyond physical gross motor skills. Ocean didn’t know how to interact with, or what to say to, other kids. He didn’t understand their way of playing. I wanted to fix it for him, and I couldn’t.

He’s twelve now. A few years ago, he told me, “My real friends accept me no matter what I do, and they always will.” I breathed such a sigh of relief, remembering the pain we both felt when he didn’t know what to do to make a friend.

He had to learn friendship explicitly. He’s in an integrated school setting within a program designed for kids like him. Since kindergarten, he has been pulled out with his autistic peers several times a week to learn those skills in a fun and bonding environment. Guess who his friends are to this day?

We also took classes in friendship at NYU Child Study Center. Their program included a required parent tr…