Hi Kate, I’ve been reading your work for a long time now, but this is the first time I’ve reached out to connect. I am absolutely WITH YOU.I am trying to get traction where I live on the same issues you bring up in your writing.
the idea of one parent controlling a neurodiverse child is absurd. The assumption that one can verbally control a child is very Anglo-Saxon as a cultural belief...it’s amazing that no one offers to play with your child as a distraction. Bad moods require groups, not one person chastising another. Traditional societies and less individualistic ones wouldn’t make this mistake for a reason.
I haven’t been in that position on a bus, but I have been in that position plenty of times in public with my grandson. We never knew what to expect or when to expect it. And before we had a diagnosis or knew anything about sensory sensitivities, or figured out the right measures to take in that moment, the judgment of and comments from bystanders was/were scathing. I held my tongue mostly because I was too busy trying to help my grandson, but now I would have had the same reaction to the man on the bus. I desperately crave inclusivity but I also know there’s a time when all that flies out the window and you lose it. I know you wish you had behaved differently, but sometimes it’s right to call someone else out on inappropriate or uncalled for behavior.
Thank you Linda. Yeah, scathing is a good word. I think there’s part of me that is completely unashamed of myself, otherwise I would not have been able to share it.
I'm curious, Kate. When you put yourself in that Mom's position, as you have been, how would you like a person to react? What would be supportive of you?
Great question Sarah! I think that’s what I’m trying to say with this story, is I don’t have all the answers or do the right thing, even when I’m empathizing with someone who is struggling.
In calmer moments, I’ve asked, “How can I help?” And I’ve physically put my body in the way of glaring eyes.
I was appreciative when people left us alone, gave a reassuring nod, or did something simple that showed they wanted to help even though they didn’t know how. For example holding the door when I was trying to wrangle the groceries and screaming toddler off the bus, or picking up a fallen hat, etc. The usual things that humanize us.
Hi Kate, I’ve been reading your work for a long time now, but this is the first time I’ve reached out to connect. I am absolutely WITH YOU.I am trying to get traction where I live on the same issues you bring up in your writing.
Dear Erika, I'm so grateful for your note. I'd love to know more about the efforts you've been making and how it's going.
the idea of one parent controlling a neurodiverse child is absurd. The assumption that one can verbally control a child is very Anglo-Saxon as a cultural belief...it’s amazing that no one offers to play with your child as a distraction. Bad moods require groups, not one person chastising another. Traditional societies and less individualistic ones wouldn’t make this mistake for a reason.
💯 James.
I haven’t been in that position on a bus, but I have been in that position plenty of times in public with my grandson. We never knew what to expect or when to expect it. And before we had a diagnosis or knew anything about sensory sensitivities, or figured out the right measures to take in that moment, the judgment of and comments from bystanders was/were scathing. I held my tongue mostly because I was too busy trying to help my grandson, but now I would have had the same reaction to the man on the bus. I desperately crave inclusivity but I also know there’s a time when all that flies out the window and you lose it. I know you wish you had behaved differently, but sometimes it’s right to call someone else out on inappropriate or uncalled for behavior.
Thank you Linda. Yeah, scathing is a good word. I think there’s part of me that is completely unashamed of myself, otherwise I would not have been able to share it.
I'm curious, Kate. When you put yourself in that Mom's position, as you have been, how would you like a person to react? What would be supportive of you?
Great question Sarah! I think that’s what I’m trying to say with this story, is I don’t have all the answers or do the right thing, even when I’m empathizing with someone who is struggling.
In calmer moments, I’ve asked, “How can I help?” And I’ve physically put my body in the way of glaring eyes.
I was appreciative when people left us alone, gave a reassuring nod, or did something simple that showed they wanted to help even though they didn’t know how. For example holding the door when I was trying to wrangle the groceries and screaming toddler off the bus, or picking up a fallen hat, etc. The usual things that humanize us.
How about you?
Yes the jumping in to help that says, "I see you". Whatever that looks like.