I need providers who can help w AuDHD pda teen with extreme school refusal; a way to find our people - friends for both of us and people who truly understand. and I need help for myself as a wornout, isolated, single, primary caregiver - who feels like all I do is try to explain things to people all the time
I’m worn out from many many years of fighting, educating myself, being ‘their person’ and still don’t know where to go from here to move forward - the both of us.
Sounds like you're both in burnout, which is totally understandable! What most regulates your teen, and what most regulates YOU?
Do either of you have anyone else who understands and listens to you? One can be enough. If not locally, can you connect with others in online groups?
I don't know about having perspective to see how move forward from burnout. Being in the moment is enough, surviving, giving yourself lots of grace, and not rushing the healing.
I can only speak from my own experience with burnout: Resting, recharging, making our needs known in spaces like this, and doing things that nourish us both eventually help us both float to the surface.
If you want to, let us know where in the world you are.
You never know who else will read this and want to connect!
Omg - thank you so much for your quick and helpful response
I’ve been working with one of her therapists who is trying to push my kid - and she doesn’t understand what I am saying … abt pushing only leads to more shutdown! She thinks the problem is me… which is so frustrating … bc fighting and advocating with schools - they always blame the kid and parents. The therapist yesterday said I sound defensive …. Um yeah -
She goes to her dad on weekends but inspite of info and resources I spoon feed him (I don’t think he reads them)… he takes part of Iep meetings and somewhat ‘tries’ to help … but he’s not fully invested
The therapist said - well another therapist said things go better at her dads so maybe we can have a few sessions with her there.
I told her I would love for her to and for him to be more involved (& I think it will be the blind leading the blind w dad & therapist not knowing much of what other folks suggest as to how to deal with kids like ours). I feel like it’s super complex - and not just ‘anyone understands’ even when it comes to professionals.
I’m in Raleigh NC
I would love to really connect with someone who gets it and is or has been in a similar place as we are.
Last night something happened to upset my kid - which led to a convo abt folks who she considered friends at one pt or another no longer respond to her - and longing for making local friends she can do stuff with. She has a group of lgbtq+ friends online (private server) that she talks to an interacts with most nights - it’s the only thing that gives her joy right now … it also has her staying up super late bc none are in our timezone… I’ve met one of them in person last summer - and we all spent the day together at the zoo near them (7-8 hrs from here). We are heading up near there for another trip shortly and I am thinking of bringing that friend home with us for a week or so - so they can hang out, go to the beach and just do stuff friends do.
The timing isn’t great for our family - but I think my kid having her friend here to do stuff is potentially priceless.
I need providers who can help w AuDHD pda teen with extreme school refusal; a way to find our people - friends for both of us and people who truly understand. and I need help for myself as a wornout, isolated, single, primary caregiver - who feels like all I do is try to explain things to people all the time
I’m worn out from many many years of fighting, educating myself, being ‘their person’ and still don’t know where to go from here to move forward - the both of us.
Huge hugs Kathleen!
Sounds like you're both in burnout, which is totally understandable! What most regulates your teen, and what most regulates YOU?
Do either of you have anyone else who understands and listens to you? One can be enough. If not locally, can you connect with others in online groups?
I don't know about having perspective to see how move forward from burnout. Being in the moment is enough, surviving, giving yourself lots of grace, and not rushing the healing.
I can only speak from my own experience with burnout: Resting, recharging, making our needs known in spaces like this, and doing things that nourish us both eventually help us both float to the surface.
If you want to, let us know where in the world you are.
You never know who else will read this and want to connect!
Omg - thank you so much for your quick and helpful response
I’ve been working with one of her therapists who is trying to push my kid - and she doesn’t understand what I am saying … abt pushing only leads to more shutdown! She thinks the problem is me… which is so frustrating … bc fighting and advocating with schools - they always blame the kid and parents. The therapist yesterday said I sound defensive …. Um yeah -
She goes to her dad on weekends but inspite of info and resources I spoon feed him (I don’t think he reads them)… he takes part of Iep meetings and somewhat ‘tries’ to help … but he’s not fully invested
The therapist said - well another therapist said things go better at her dads so maybe we can have a few sessions with her there.
I told her I would love for her to and for him to be more involved (& I think it will be the blind leading the blind w dad & therapist not knowing much of what other folks suggest as to how to deal with kids like ours). I feel like it’s super complex - and not just ‘anyone understands’ even when it comes to professionals.
I’m in Raleigh NC
I would love to really connect with someone who gets it and is or has been in a similar place as we are.
Last night something happened to upset my kid - which led to a convo abt folks who she considered friends at one pt or another no longer respond to her - and longing for making local friends she can do stuff with. She has a group of lgbtq+ friends online (private server) that she talks to an interacts with most nights - it’s the only thing that gives her joy right now … it also has her staying up super late bc none are in our timezone… I’ve met one of them in person last summer - and we all spent the day together at the zoo near them (7-8 hrs from here). We are heading up near there for another trip shortly and I am thinking of bringing that friend home with us for a week or so - so they can hang out, go to the beach and just do stuff friends do.
The timing isn’t great for our family - but I think my kid having her friend here to do stuff is potentially priceless.
Thanks
You’ve already made my day!
"Pushing only leads to more shutdown." This is a fact. For sure not all professionals get it.
I wonder if Dr. Emily can hook you up with other parents in Raleigh?
You have great ideas, just make sure you are thinking about your needs too.
Oxoxo!
I need providers for my son who value my perspective.
Kat, I feel you in this. I believe a mother’s intuition (her perspective) is essential to the providers treating our kiddos.
I hear you! Where are you located?
Louisville, CO
I don’t think I know anyone in that area. 😔 I so agree with you though. Finding providers you trust and feel heard by is so important.