This is so sweet. I relate to this in many ways. Often, I feel frustrated when I want to start a project that will take up time but will make me feel like me again but it seems that inevitably I cannot given the kids’ complexities. Finding oneself is hard enough, and doing it in the eye of the hurricane of parenting ND kids is nearly impossible. But you’re right — I think the “just showing up” is extremely powerful, especially when we moms have an open mind and heart and that we’re trying to be good for both the kids and ourselves.
Yes I relate to this Erin. For now, I've had to devise either smaller projects, or small pieces of a bigger vision. But my kid is older now, and I have just the one, so those more ambitious projects are in sight. I had a dream about painting again.
Thank you for writing this. I had a very similar experience and was always overwhelmed. I learned a lot and made some mistakes along the way. I love my kid with all my heart. ❤️
Amy, overwhelmed is the one word we can all relate to, and those mistakes are the way we grow. We're still growing, right beside our kids. We're showing them the way.
This post meant so much to me. I remember many moments in those early years when Ocean had just come into our lives. As were you, I was in love with him from the very moment I met him at 24 hours old! I was also in love with and in awe of your traversing of those early years, and when you included me as his grandma, it was a great honor but often challenging. I was so amazed at what I saw as his brilliance, and I guess I was afraid of any diagnosis that would imply that he might have limitations! Of course we all have limitations. As you know I've worked with art with many children and adults with special needs over the years. I've come to believe that we are all on the sliding scale of "challenged." Your tireless work to find the best help and best solutions for Ocean at every turn in the road is one of my most precious lifelong experiences. I so remember your and John's ceremony, asking the heavens to bring you the right soul for your family. Well, proof again the prayer really works! I love you and love that you share your parenting experiences.❤️Mom
"I found myself comparing his development to other children. I felt shame for making those comparisons." This got me. We are currently on a journey to understand if our son is on the spectrum but the feelings, the relatable moments are all in your piece. And I'm glad you have managed to also take care of yourself!
It's a daily struggle to do the things that keep me sane. A necessary one!
Whether your kid gets the diagnosis or not, comparing a kid to their peers can lead to a lot of pain. Instead I compare him to his past self, and marvel.
I love your code name, but wish I knew your real name. ;)
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing this Kate. I completely relate to you - the worry, the search, the protection, the losing all your interests, and self. Joaquin relates to Ocean - the self-doubt, the confusion. Whenever I talk to Joaquin about something he needs to do or a behavior we have to work on he says, "I don't think you read the small print when you signed up to parent me". He has moved to humor and laughter, and I have moved to feeling my feet on the ground.
Edna, I know you know! I'm grateful we've had our group to support each other. I never read the small print; always follow my heart! Give my love to Joaquin.
This is so sweet. I relate to this in many ways. Often, I feel frustrated when I want to start a project that will take up time but will make me feel like me again but it seems that inevitably I cannot given the kids’ complexities. Finding oneself is hard enough, and doing it in the eye of the hurricane of parenting ND kids is nearly impossible. But you’re right — I think the “just showing up” is extremely powerful, especially when we moms have an open mind and heart and that we’re trying to be good for both the kids and ourselves.
Yes I relate to this Erin. For now, I've had to devise either smaller projects, or small pieces of a bigger vision. But my kid is older now, and I have just the one, so those more ambitious projects are in sight. I had a dream about painting again.
Thank you for writing this. I had a very similar experience and was always overwhelmed. I learned a lot and made some mistakes along the way. I love my kid with all my heart. ❤️
Amy, overwhelmed is the one word we can all relate to, and those mistakes are the way we grow. We're still growing, right beside our kids. We're showing them the way.
This post meant so much to me. I remember many moments in those early years when Ocean had just come into our lives. As were you, I was in love with him from the very moment I met him at 24 hours old! I was also in love with and in awe of your traversing of those early years, and when you included me as his grandma, it was a great honor but often challenging. I was so amazed at what I saw as his brilliance, and I guess I was afraid of any diagnosis that would imply that he might have limitations! Of course we all have limitations. As you know I've worked with art with many children and adults with special needs over the years. I've come to believe that we are all on the sliding scale of "challenged." Your tireless work to find the best help and best solutions for Ocean at every turn in the road is one of my most precious lifelong experiences. I so remember your and John's ceremony, asking the heavens to bring you the right soul for your family. Well, proof again the prayer really works! I love you and love that you share your parenting experiences.❤️Mom
Thanks mom. Yes, you've been there through it all.
"I found myself comparing his development to other children. I felt shame for making those comparisons." This got me. We are currently on a journey to understand if our son is on the spectrum but the feelings, the relatable moments are all in your piece. And I'm glad you have managed to also take care of yourself!
It's a daily struggle to do the things that keep me sane. A necessary one!
Whether your kid gets the diagnosis or not, comparing a kid to their peers can lead to a lot of pain. Instead I compare him to his past self, and marvel.
I love your code name, but wish I knew your real name. ;)
I'm trying to learn to compare him less, which some days is easier than others.
Hehe, thanks for the name comment! My real name is Bella 🙂 but I'm kind of used to being "probably fine" in the substack world!
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing this Kate. I completely relate to you - the worry, the search, the protection, the losing all your interests, and self. Joaquin relates to Ocean - the self-doubt, the confusion. Whenever I talk to Joaquin about something he needs to do or a behavior we have to work on he says, "I don't think you read the small print when you signed up to parent me". He has moved to humor and laughter, and I have moved to feeling my feet on the ground.
Edna, I know you know! I'm grateful we've had our group to support each other. I never read the small print; always follow my heart! Give my love to Joaquin.