Be Curious, Not Furious: Writing the Playbook on Neurodiversity
Watch or Listen now | Essential skills for parenting neurodivergent children, from managing expectations to dealing with discomfort.
Today I'm sharing insights from my recent talk with Dr. Matt Zakreski, a clinical psychologist focused on supporting neurodivergent kids and their families.
BOOK GIVEAWAY!
Our guest, Dr. Matt Zakreski, is giving away a copy of his book, 'The Neurodiversity Playbook,' to a lucky subscriber! See details below…
In this episode of the Atypical Kids, Mindful Parents Podcast, I’m talking with Dr. Matt Zakreski, a clinical psychologist, founder of the Neurodiversity Collective, and co-host of the Nerding Out on Neurodiversity Podcast.
We’re sharing personal stories and expert advice on managing expectations, dealing with discomfort, and finding community support.
Dr. Matt introduces his book, 'The Neurodiversity Playbook,' aimed at helping parents and neurodivergent individuals navigate a neurotypical world.
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Timestamps:
00:00 Understanding the Brain's Default to Self-Blame
00:35 Introduction to Atypical Kids Mindful Parents Podcast
01:18 Meet Dr. Matt: Expert in Neurodiversity
02:12 Challenges of Parenting Neurodivergent Children
05:49 The Importance of Community and Support
08:24 Curiosity Over Fury: A Parenting Strategy
12:19 The Role of Mindfulness in Parenting
19:52 Giftedness and Neurodiversity: Definitions and Misconceptions
24:59 The Pressure of Perfectionism
25:38 Gifted Kids and Society's Expectations
26:05 A Personal Story of Burnout and Happiness
27:19 Introducing the Book: Theory and Practice
28:22 Understanding Neurodivergence
29:40 The Flash and Neurodivergent Kids
33:17 Helping a Dad Connect with His Son
39:05 Core Values and Parenting
41:36 Sensory Needs and Authentic Parenting
42:50 Conclusion and Contact Information
Curious, Not Furious: Unpacking Neurodiversity with Dr. Matt
Understanding the Blame Default
Our conversation began with Dr. Matt's insight into how our brains often work against us. We tend to blame ourselves without proper context.
Dr. Matt emphasized that living with uncertainty and discomfort is a key skill—something crucial in my own life, especially as a parent to my son, Ocean. An important lesson to pass on to our children is resilience in the face of the unknown.
Dr. Matt and I discussed the challenges faced by parents of neurodivergent kids. We talked about the feeling of trying endless strategies and having nothing work. He said it's often about mismatched expectations rather than inadequacies. Parenting a neurodivergent child requires a different approach focused on patience and understanding.
Curiosity Over Anger in Parenting
A memorable part of our talk was Dr. Matt’s philosophy of being "curious, not furious." It’s easy to impose expectations on our kids, but Dr. Matt suggests we replace "should" with "could," removing shame and embracing curiosity. The analogy with Ted Lasso highlighted the value of addressing difficult situations with curiosity instead of anger.
Importance of Community, Self-Care and Support
Dr. Matt emphasized the importance of finding support. Parents of neurodivergent kids often feel alone, but finding your group, through community connections or supportive friends, can make a difference. No one should navigate this alone—find what works for you and your family. (And look forward to my talk with Jennifer Natalya Fink on the topic of finding community, coming March 30!)
The Role of Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a practice that involves being present, even during simple tasks like drinking a glass of water. These small acts of self-care can shift our mindset. In the busy world of parenting, even tiny mindful moments are valuable, helping us manage daily demands.
Sensory Needs and Authentic Parenting
A relatable part of our discussion was Dr. Matt's story about finding the right socks for his son with sensory needs. This simple yet significant action was a reminder that meeting our children’s unique needs can turn challenging moments into opportunities for connection.
Introducing Dr. Matt’s Book
Lastly, we talked about Dr. Matt’s upcoming book, 'The Neurodiversity Playbook,'which combines theory and practice, based in neuroscience, to help parents support their neurodivergent kids. His work focuses on reframing conversations and encouraging us to ask meaningful questions about our "zebras," rather than making them fit into "horse" standards.
Giftedness and Societal Expectations
We explored giftedness as a form of neurodivergence. Dr. Matt explained how it’s more than just intelligence; it comes with emotional and social challenges. His use of metaphors provided a clear understanding of these experiences.
Conclusion
I left my conversation with Dr. Matt hopeful and ready to apply what I learned. Parenting, especially neurodiverse parenting, involves many unexpected turns, but we don’t have to face it alone. If you’re interested in learning more, check out Dr. Matt’s resources at the Neurodiversity Collective, and subscribe here for more episodes!
Let’s embrace being curious, not furious, in our parenting approach.
Thank you for joining me here.
If You’d Like to WIN Dr. Matt's Book:
Subscribe to Atypical Kids, Mindful Parents Blog & comment “subscribed” below this post.
BONUS ENTRY: Review Atypical Kids, Mindful Parents on Apple Podcasts, then comment “reviewed” below this post. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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