One Parent's Compassionate Call to Help Others on the Atypical Kids Journey
An interview with a parent of grown children about her journey from isolated to empowered, and how you can support others too.
Audrey Berry is a parent who can relate to the challenges of raising a child with neurodivergence and disabilities. As a parent of grown children now, she offers words of encouragement and reminds us of the power in being a listening ear and a source of support for those who are just starting their journey.
Stay tuned as we delve into a heartfelt conversation about the realities of parenting atypical kids and the vital role of mindful parents like us in helping each other along the way. In this inspiring episode you’ll join Audrey and I (Kate) as we dive deep into the realities of parenting atypical children. Remember, together we can empower and uplift each other through shared experiences and empathy. Ratings and reviews on Apple Podcasts are extremely helpful to let other parents know we’re here!
Audrey acknowledges the difficulties and frustrations that come with navigating life when things don't seem to work as smoothly as they do for others.
She describes it as constantly paddling upstream in a rapid current while others effortlessly float along down a lazy river.
Audrey understands firsthand what it's like to be in the trenches, advocating for and supporting her child. She shares her personal experiences and the struggles she has faced in a system that often feels broken. She discusses the feelings of being left behind as a parent, watching other children reach milestones while her own child faces different challenges.
She emphasizes the importance of finding support and connecting with other parents who truly understand.
Sharing our vulnerabilities and honest experiences is crucial. It helps others move out of isolation and find solace in knowing they're not alone. Audrey's reminder to share our own stories and encourage one another touched me deeply and I think you’ll feel the same.
Let's lift each other up! 🌈
Transcript:
Understanding the challenges of parenting atypical kids
Audrey Berry: I don't have a formal diagnosis for myself, but I'm pretty sure that apple did not fall far from this tree. You know, I do understand that feeling of like, why is this not working? Or why is this so difficult? Why does it feel like it's so hard? And all the other parents are just floating along down the lazy river. And I'm just like paddling madly upstream in the rapids and why is it so hard? So yeah, I do recognize that feeling.
Kate Lynch: I love your metaphors, the lazy river versus trying to swim upstream, it feels that way for sure.
A: It really does. Yeah. I understand what it's like to be in the trenches with kids that have neurodivergence, disabilities, learning disabilities, all that kind of stuff.
It's sometimes a very exhausting and thankless job to be in the trenches with that day after day after day after day. And some things just take a lot of time and patience. And it's okay that it does, but it is hard that it does. And I acknowledge it's hard. It's hard to work in a broken system that you have to constantly fight and advocate for your child to get services or to get medical treatment or whatever it is that they need. If you don't stay on top of it, it doesn't happen. And it's a lot harder than it needs to be.
There's so much red tape, and paperwork, and, oh, well, we don't do that. You have to contact this person. There's so many phone calls, so much time driving kids to so many appointments, etc.
K: Or going on the subway like we had to do.
A: Even more, right? It just takes a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of your bandwidth. And sometimes it feels like pretty thankless. No one's saying, wow, you're doing such an amazing job.
K: It's invisible.
A: Yeah, people don't see it, but also a lot of your friends don't get it. Because they don't have kids like you.
Finding connection and support
Now maybe you're lucky to have some mom friends that do have some kids like you. I hope you do. It can be discouraging when you hear all the cool things that the other kids are doing and all the great plans they have for their lives and how they're going to go off to college and do all these amazing things. And you're thinking, yeah, my kid isn't going to be doing that. And you can feel like you're getting left behind. Like you as a mom are getting left behind. And it's like...
There's not really a whole lot of support out there for that, for that feeling of I'm getting left behind as a mom and everyone else is sprinting ahead and we're still back here at trying to learn how to pick up our clothes or whatever the thing is, right?
K: Put the shirt on the right way out.
A: Yeah, put the shirt on the right way or not have a meltdown over whatever the thing is, right? So...
I just want to say there are other parents who are out there who get that. It's just not always easy to find them.
So here on this podcast, this is a place where you are getting that connection. You're hearing from other parents that do understand and get that.
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Ratings and reviews on Apple Podcasts are extremely helpful!
Parenting atypical kids as they grow up
And I just want to say, as a parent who has grown up children now, you will get to the point where they are grown up at some point, it doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be independent because they may or may not be. Depends.
They will grow up, they will get better, they will learn more things, they will mature. But when you get to the point where, when you see parents coming behind you who are just starting out, they just got the diagnosis, they just found out their kid has whatever, they just found out their two year old has this syndrome.
Remember how you felt. You feel so alone. You feel like there's no one out there that knows this stuff. You have no one to turn to or ask questions. You don't even know how to find resources.
Be that person for other people that are coming behind you.
I know I've met, I have had the opportunity a number of times, especially in the last couple of years when COVID hit and suddenly people had to like homeschool their kids and do all these things and they didn't have services and they didn't have all these things.
Just to be a listening ear and a support and tell them it's going to be okay and they are doing a good job.
And here's some resources that I've found that might help you. Be that person for the people that are coming, whatever you have managed to glean, give freely to the people coming behind you, because you know what it's like.
It's very lonely to be the parent of a child that has disabilities. It's hard.
K: And you don't have to be an expert. You could just be a couple steps ahead.
A: Exactly. Just being a listening parent who gets it, who gets what it feels like to feel like you're being left behind as a parent, or everyone else is doing amazing things and my kid is not probably ever going to do those things, or whatever the, those feelings that you have.
K: The feeling. Yeah.
A: The feeling. You can be the listening ear and you can be the person who says, I get it. I understand.
K: Yeah. And it's really rewarding to do that. Yes. It doesn't drain me ever. To be that person for someone else.
A: No. It's a good feeling to connect with someone else over something that is so deep. And so important to them and 'cause it's so important to you. Like my kids are so important to me. Right. And it's the same for everyone else.
So when you can connect over something like that and you can offer them a word of encouragement, I, it lifts my spirits. It makes me feel like, yeah, it's going to be okay. We're going to make it. My kids are going to make it.
K: Right. And people might share a lot, our lives are so public, but do they share vulnerably? Do they share honestly? And that's what really helps people move out of that isolation.
Overcoming guilt and focusing on the future
A: Yeah. And especially if you can share your own vulnerabilities. You know what the feeling is of feeling discouraged or feeling like dismayed when you find out.
Or like for me, I did not find out that my kid had a bunch of things until they were in the ninth grade. How did I not know these things? It felt like things were falling apart through middle school, but it took until ninth grade for me to go, “We have to figure this out. We have to. I'm getting diagnoses, we got to figure something out because this is not working.” And then that feeling of guilt, like, “Oh my gosh, I could have been, what if I’d just done this sooner?” What if I, you know, all the what ifs, I, if only I had known and done and all those things.
I can't go back and change the past, but I can change the future going forward.
I can do better and I can help people that are just behind me, help them do better, help them to figure things out.
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Ratings and reviews on Apple Podcasts are extremely helpful!
Look for Audrey in our next episode on How to Organize Your Home So It Works for Your Neurodiverse Family, and find her here: https://justanorganizedhome.com.
Audrey Berry is the creator of Just an Organized Home where she helps creative-messy-ADHD women conquer clutter, learn organization, and reclaim their space. As an ADHD organizing specialist, Audrey is all about functional homes that work for you. She is also a homeschooling alum having graduated her 2 kids, including a special needs child.