ABA? If It Seems Off to You, You Can Say "No Way!" and Walk Away
When my son was first diagnosed, we were told ABA is the “gold standard” treatment for autism. Now, I wonder what that even means.
There is no way I would put my kid through it knowing what I now know.
That said, did we do it? Yes!
We found an ABA preschool. He was loved there, not mistreated. But I was uncomfortable with their tactics. I didn’t speak up. When I did ask “WHY” he had certain challenges, the teachers were dismissive. The only thing that mattered to them was changing his behavior.
Did You Just Tell My Kid That Boys Don’t Cry??
It wasn’t until a favorite BCBA shamed my son for crying that I woke up. I finally fired them all and jumped ship. Then, we began the long road towards repair. We’re still healing those wounds, and when my kid brings up something that happened to him, I listen with empathy, regret and hope.
The thing is, when parents get that initial autism diagnosis, uncertainty and fear are pervasive. That day, I relinquished my role as expert, and listened to people who believed in antiquated research. I have compassion for the worried, exhausted parent I was. We all do well if we can.
What Would I Do Instead of Behaviorism?
🎯 Lots of play-based connection
🛝 Heaps of sensory integration.
😃 I’d learn from autistic adults more.
🧠 I’d vet therapists for neurodiversity affirming language.
❤️🩹 I would pursue trauma-informed therapy, because this ableist neurotypical world is traumatizing for neurodivergent people.
🤨 I would beware of who provides my parent training, and ask “What’s in it for them.”
⚖️ I would judge my family less, drop fear and guilt, let whatever isn’t important slide, and relax enough to trust my intuition.
Love 💕 more actively and be silly more often.
I would model self-honoring.
Please: Stop. 🛑 Breathe.
Trust yourself. If ABA sounds off to you, it’s okay to say “No way!”
You can walk away, and you won’t be ruining your kid’s chances of anything. They need YOU. They need your gushing, giddy acceptance of their most quirky traits. They need you to join them in their special interest.
They need you to somehow get some sleep.
What questions do you have for me? I’d be happy to add to this post.